it's all over

Thank GOD. School has officially stopped torturing me for the year. I know I've said it a million times, but WHAT posessed me to go back to school? I sucked at school before, I suck at school now. I will continue to suck at school until I finally convince myself that perhaps school is not my life's calling. So far, however, waitressing is the only thing I've found that I don't suck at, and I refuse to accept that waitressing is my life's calling. I have way too much in green cleaning at this point to end it all before I change the world (i.e. before I convince at least 12 million people to drop their Windex.)

So I've been told that Bullet Points "really get the point across." This is convenient because I don't have the energy to get creative and write "paragraphs" right now. I haven't blogged much since the last disaster (thesis proposal rejection,) so here's what has happened since I last blogged, in Bullet Points:

-I rewrite my proposal and never hear whether it's OK or not
-I worry, but I have bigger fish to fry
-My love for baking soda gets increasingly obsessive
-Some jerkwad in my group decides to plagiarize her section of my final project
-I have an ethical dilemma
-I have a nervous breakdown
-My professors take pity on me, one gives me an extension
-Mother Nature takes pity on me and sends a flood
-I feel bad for all the people who lost their cars and houses in the flood, but I'm secretly psyched because school is closed on the day my finals are due
-I still somehow manage to get all behind and don't sleep for a week
-I am cracked out to the extreme
-I pull a few more all-nighters, try my best to deal with the jerkwad's section
-I give up on the project
-I take that bitch to Staples, bind it, and get it out of my life
-I have another nervous breakdown, pull another all-nighter, and pour every fiber of my being into writing about green cleaning
-I email that bitch to the professor and drive to Boston for Alexis' graduation
-I miss the graduation itself but am just in time for a delicious Bloody Mary
-I proceed to the RESD party and drink some more, make pleasant conversation with the plagiarist, who I admit is actually a nice person
-There are balloon animals
-I go to Kelly's baby shower, give her some pesticide-free organic cotton baby clothes
-Amanda and I drive to Braintree to get a thing so we can play our Ipods in the car
-The Ipod thing attacks us viciously
-We make our way towards the sweet sunny South
-There is a rainstorm
-There is traffic
-There is a hailstorm
-There is a plague of locusts and I see the seven horsemen of the Apocalypse riding beside us on 95
-We stop at an unsavory location in New Jersey which is both a bar AND a package store, buy some wine, anticipating that we will REALLY need a drink when we get to DC
-We get to DC, drive past our hotel, and proceed to get lost in DC for an hour while trying to call the hotel
-No one picks up the phone at the hotel
-We finally get there at 4:30 in the morning, the little birdies are tweeting
-The desk clerk is "auditing the system" so we can't check in
-We do not even think about opening the wine... We sleep
-We go to some Smithsonians, see some cool insects and the Hope Diamond
-I have my picture taken with the Swedish Chef, my favorite Muppet
-We eat a ridiculous amount of food
-We smoke cigarettes at the bar
-We eat more food
-We suffer food comas and can't seem to motivate ourselves to go back out
-We watch some show about this crazy person who wants a room in her house to look like Hilary Duff's sewing room
-Hilary Duff is a stupid human being
-I get to my green cleaning seminar an hour early
-I eat some danish, scope out the scene at the Holiday Inn
-There are no hot building service contractors in the house
-A guy from Norwood tells an extremely tall tale about the flood, I keep my mouth shut
-I "network" with the guy from Norwood, who makes cleaning products that come in a self-contained biobased film
-I forgive him for being a liar because he's so green
-The seminar would be better if I could keep my eyes open
-We get back on the road, I pray
-We get lost in the ghettoes of Maryland for a while
-We play Twenty Questions, coming up with some killers, including: Army, Lighter Fluid, Jack o' Lantern, Johnny Appleseed, and Picture Frame
-We play Trivia towards the end of New Jersey, but years of pot-smoking seem to have destroyed my memory
-We play Categories through Connecticut and Rhode Island
-I get home and sleep like I've never slept before
-I go to work for about an hour, come home, and sleep some more
-I wake up to an email from the jerkwad plagiarist saying she got an A on the project

So that's my story. It's been a crazy few weeks, and I wish I could express more eloquently how ridiculously happy I am that it's all over. Suffice it to say this is going to be the goddamned best summer of my entire life. Even if I wake up tomorrow and I have no feet, I will be happy. If you'll excuse me, I have to whip up a baking soda paste for the dishes.