black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
three nuns fighting over a cucumber. I've done a lot of non-work "reading" today, some things funnier than others. First the Not Funny, lifted from Scott's blog:
A recent Pew Research Center study shows that people who watch The Colbert Report and The Daily Show correctly answered 54% of questions about current affairs, whereas viewers of regular TV news correctly answered only 35%.
I do love the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, but it still strikes me as kind of a sad state of affairs.
And now the funny, meta-funny in fact, because I found these jokes on a facebook group started by one of my old philosophy professors from college. I'm glad to see this guy and some of my other old professors are spending just as much time doing non-work as I do. I guess I really could grow up to be just like them.
From a Latin American Studies professor:
Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: "Light bulb? What light bulb? Clearly this "light bulb" is a construct of your primitive imagination to help you cope with reality. I know this is darkness and I can deal with it. Obviously, you can't because of this light bulb delusion of yours."
From one of my Human Rights Program professors:
This cowboy is in a bar and talks about how lonely he is. "You know, it's just me and the horse out there. Now my horse is very smart, but you can really have a philosophical discussion with it. You know, you just can't put Descartes before the horse."
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"
The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
roo roo's meme
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was 15 and had just started working at my very first real (not my dad's store) job. It was a truck stop/diner/bakery on route 20 in Worcester. It was actually kind of cool, in the front we served meatloaf and american chop suey, but in the back they were making these incredibly elaborate wedding cakes. I started off washing dishes and eventually got to wait tables. ah, the beginning of my long and illustrious waitressing career. good times, free food, learning dirty jokes from gnarly truckers. then right before school started, I got fired because the owner's daughter was back from 'maternity leave.'
What were you doing 1 year ago?
It was my first summer off the Cape in 4 years, and it was motherfucking hot in Lowell. I had just inadvertently signed myself up for a world of pain, working two impossible jobs at the same time, yet still managing to accomplish very little. I was at the office for like 9 hours a day, the first three of which I spent on email or the phone with boss #1, trying to coordinate a seminar series that never quite went according to plan. The rest of the day I sat outside writing in a notebook, pretending to work for boss #2 and freaking out because she was coming back from vacation and I had done nothing in weeks, making phone calls and socializing with passersby.
Kelly had just had Croix, so that was pretty exciting. there was a girl from Spain who had just arrived to live at my house for a month. Amanda and I spoke drunken Spanish to her at the Folk Festival. she kind of sucked, but there were way better foreign exchange students to come.
Five snacks you enjoy
1. string cheese
2. granola bars
3. string cheese
4. string cheese
5. string cheese
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to
1. "shoop" - salt n pepa. no self-respecting girl between the ages of 23 and 33 will ever forget a line of that one.
2. "ripple" - grateful dead. same as above, except by "girl" I mean "hippie"
3. "meet me in the morning" - bob dylan
4. "el baile de los que sobran" - Los Prisioneros
5. all of Remain in Light - Talking Heads
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
1. buy a regular car
2. buy the house I live in right now
3. quit my job
4. go to Morocco
5. do something, uh, philanthropic with the rest
Five bad habits
1. spending money I don't have
2. vanilla kreme donuts
3. chronic, debilitating procrastination
4. constantly indulging my desires to escape (from the house, the office, work, thesis, responsibilities, awkward situations, consciousness, etc.)
5. self-indulgence part II: drinking, smoking, eating and sleeping as much as I want, pretty much all the time
Five things you like doing
1. road trips
2. iced coffee
3. writing
4. frolicking, preferably in nature
5. escaping/eating/drinking/smoking/sleeping
Five things you would never wear again
1. champion sweatshirts over white turtlenecks
2. jelly shoes
3. bodysuits with the snaps
4. blossom hats
5. legwarmers. kidding!
Five favorite toys
1. coffeemaker
2. coozies
3. cell phone
4. the internets
5. my brand new mortar and pestle
I was 15 and had just started working at my very first real (not my dad's store) job. It was a truck stop/diner/bakery on route 20 in Worcester. It was actually kind of cool, in the front we served meatloaf and american chop suey, but in the back they were making these incredibly elaborate wedding cakes. I started off washing dishes and eventually got to wait tables. ah, the beginning of my long and illustrious waitressing career. good times, free food, learning dirty jokes from gnarly truckers. then right before school started, I got fired because the owner's daughter was back from 'maternity leave.'
What were you doing 1 year ago?
It was my first summer off the Cape in 4 years, and it was motherfucking hot in Lowell. I had just inadvertently signed myself up for a world of pain, working two impossible jobs at the same time, yet still managing to accomplish very little. I was at the office for like 9 hours a day, the first three of which I spent on email or the phone with boss #1, trying to coordinate a seminar series that never quite went according to plan. The rest of the day I sat outside writing in a notebook, pretending to work for boss #2 and freaking out because she was coming back from vacation and I had done nothing in weeks, making phone calls and socializing with passersby.
Kelly had just had Croix, so that was pretty exciting. there was a girl from Spain who had just arrived to live at my house for a month. Amanda and I spoke drunken Spanish to her at the Folk Festival. she kind of sucked, but there were way better foreign exchange students to come.
Five snacks you enjoy
1. string cheese
2. granola bars
3. string cheese
4. string cheese
5. string cheese
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to
1. "shoop" - salt n pepa. no self-respecting girl between the ages of 23 and 33 will ever forget a line of that one.
2. "ripple" - grateful dead. same as above, except by "girl" I mean "hippie"
3. "meet me in the morning" - bob dylan
4. "el baile de los que sobran" - Los Prisioneros
5. all of Remain in Light - Talking Heads
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
1. buy a regular car
2. buy the house I live in right now
3. quit my job
4. go to Morocco
5. do something, uh, philanthropic with the rest
Five bad habits
1. spending money I don't have
2. vanilla kreme donuts
3. chronic, debilitating procrastination
4. constantly indulging my desires to escape (from the house, the office, work, thesis, responsibilities, awkward situations, consciousness, etc.)
5. self-indulgence part II: drinking, smoking, eating and sleeping as much as I want, pretty much all the time
Five things you like doing
1. road trips
2. iced coffee
3. writing
4. frolicking, preferably in nature
5. escaping/eating/drinking/smoking/sleeping
Five things you would never wear again
1. champion sweatshirts over white turtlenecks
2. jelly shoes
3. bodysuits with the snaps
4. blossom hats
5. legwarmers. kidding!
Five favorite toys
1. coffeemaker
2. coozies
3. cell phone
4. the internets
5. my brand new mortar and pestle
Sunday, July 08, 2007
deep thoughts
- it's f-ing hot and gross
- it's been pouring rain for 15 minutes
- 20 minutes ago I put a bunch of clothes on the clothesline
- I'm sitting at a window from which I can see the clothesline
- again, it's pouring rain
- and it just occurred to me that I should take the clothes down
- they are already soaking wet
- I'm leaving them on the line
- I am sweating over boring power point presentations
- I hate work
- more than work itself, I hate the fact that I'm spending a Sunday catching up on work that I was supposed to do this week
- even more than that, I hate that I was expected to do this work during 4th of July week
- 4th of July is not allowed to happen on a Wednesday ever again.
- an NPR commentator just called someone a "jackass." whoa.
- I just made some clams stuffed with
- ritz cracker crumbs
- celery
- onions
- chorizo
- white wine
- cholula sauce
- butter
- and clams
- they look delicious, but it's too f-ing hot and gross to eat
Sunday, July 01, 2007
and another thing
the Police SUCKED when I was growing up, and they continue to SUCK now - at least as much, if not more than before. they don't suck as much as Sting does on his own, but seriously, they suck more than enough.
yes, that's a mesh shirt. I really, truly hate you Sting. But I digress.
WHY, radio station owners of the area, do you think that just because the Police are reunited, you should start playing their crappy music ad nauseum? the people who have paid money to go see them live are doing us all a favor, taking one for the team if you will. there's no need to subject the rest of us to extra Police music on the radio. STOP, please, or else I'm sending you a message in a bottle. and by 'message' I mean 'flesh-eating bacteria.'
and quit with the f-ing Bono-worship too, while you're at it. that is all.
yes, that's a mesh shirt. I really, truly hate you Sting. But I digress.
WHY, radio station owners of the area, do you think that just because the Police are reunited, you should start playing their crappy music ad nauseum? the people who have paid money to go see them live are doing us all a favor, taking one for the team if you will. there's no need to subject the rest of us to extra Police music on the radio. STOP, please, or else I'm sending you a message in a bottle. and by 'message' I mean 'flesh-eating bacteria.'
and quit with the f-ing Bono-worship too, while you're at it. that is all.
various internets
I spend a lot of time sitting at a computer pretending to work, but others don't have that luxury. so just in time for Monday morning, I wanted to share with you, the kind taxpayers of the Commonwealth, a few of the things that have been keeping me "busy" while I'm getting paid to reduce toxics. some call it webjunk, I call it a way of life.
- Erowid: a website about drugs, "providing access to reliable, non-judgmental information about psychoactive plants and chemicals and related issues." we're talking all 'psychoactive' drugs, both plant-based and chemical, legal and illegal: alcohol, MDMA, caffeine, morning glory, cannabis, heroin, chocolate, opium, LSD, and all manner of pharmaceuticals. the stories in the experience vaults are pretty f-ing fascinating.
- Gröûp X: thanks to Mr. H for bringing to my attention the best (and probably only) fake Arabic rap group ever. The Mario twins: they look so goddamn the same, if I ask them if they want an ice cream, they BOTH say yes!
- Personal DNA: it's that colorful little box in the sidebar. You take a long-ish test (good for when you're serious about procrastinating but want to feel like you just "did" something for the past hour) and it gives you a personality analysis. Then if you're really bored, you can Psych You/Psych Me and take tests for other people. No more work, EVER!
- The Sublime Philosophical Crap Test: like the Spark tests I used to do instead of writing my undergrad thesis, the people who wrote this are pretty funny, but you get that sinking feeling that they really do know what they're talking about. They give you a painfully long analysis - the very short version of mine was: You scored 55% Non-Reductionism, 11% Epistemological Absolutism, and 100% Moral Objectivism! You are an N-S-O: a metaphysical Non-Reductionist, an epistemological Skeptic, and a moral Objectivist! yay?
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